The names in this little play have been changed to protect the innocent (and not so innocent-it would seem). Genders can be reversed depending on circumstances.
[in the living room of some non descript house, there is probably a Bible on a shelf nearby, very close to a collection of the Left Behind Series.]
Gwendalyn: We need to talk...
Fernando: ... Um... okay. We have been talking for like the last hour and a half. But I suppose you mean we need to talk about something other than how disappointing the last season of Lost was or the weird customers I talked to at work today.
Gwendalyn: Yeah.
Fernando: Okay. Let's hear it.
Gwendalyn: I've been thinking...
Fernando: [looks to ground, shoulders sink low, all hope is lost] Okay...
Gwendalyn: I'm just not so sure about... us... You know?
Fernando: We've been hanging out for the last hour. You couldn't have brought this up any sooner?
Gwendalyn: Sorry.
Fernando: You've been feeling this way for a while?
Gwendalyn: You must have too.
Fernando: No!
Gwendalyn: I just don't have any peace about us anymore. I've been praying about it and getting advice from friends.
Fernando: Like who?
Gwendalyn: Laquisha.
Fernando: You mean your over possessive friend who is always jealous whenever we hang out without her? That Laquisha?
Gwendalyn: Yeah! Her! Well I just don't think this relationship is God's will for our lives. I don't think we're supposed to be together.
Fernando: Funny God is only filling you in on this, you'd think he'd tell me too.
[awkward silence. gaze is averted by each individual]
Gwendalyn: I'm really sorry. I don't want to hurt you but...
[sound of vibrating phone]
Oh, its Laquisha... she is having a problem with her equally possessive, overly critical, emotionally unstable new boyfriend. I have to go. Bye.
[scene]
If you're not one of those strange people (yes, you are strange!) who married the first person who agreed to go on a date with you then you have probably had this conversation in some varying degree, whether you are the unsuspecting victim or the naive antagonist. If you have never been directly involved chances are you know someone who has (in my case I've know about 50 someones who have) and have gotten to hear the tirade that follows. This is the most common line in Christendom... I mean Christianity, when breaking up with someone and it needs to stop now!
Here is the thing about using this line on an unsuspecting boyfriend or girlfriend, it's the ultimate trump card. It cannot be beaten. It is like double-dog-daring someone, you can't go any further than that.* If someone you're dating tells you it's no longer God's will for your relationship to continue you have no course for debate. Because what you are now debating is the validity of the will of God in your own life. How do you go against the will of God? How do you fight for the relationship when so much stands against you? It's impossible. You really have no other option than to give in and accept what seems to now be inevitable. Because by fighting the proposition of the break up you're no longer fighting the person, nor are you fighting for your relationship, you're fighting against the forces of the universe (well, not literally, but this is the inevitable conclusion of this reason for breaking up).
There may be some truth to the fact that God does not desire for you to be together. I honestly don't know how that whole thing works and I am not going to pretend to**. But I am pretty confident that God makes that desire clear through varying means to show you you're not supposed to be together (i.e. you're lives going in different directions, or your personalities are too different, or the person chews their food too loud, or your parents hate them, or their bizarre fondness for The Incredible Hulk, or because they write an obnoxious blog, etc). Perhaps, out of respect for the break-y you can give those as reasons for breaking up. You risk hurting the other person but at least it is constructive criticism, which is painful but helpful.
*Some people will argue for the existence of a triple-dog-dare, those people are stupid and are not respecters of the institution of the dare.
**You're welcome.
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