The Gloves Come Off

My last essay discussed how inadequately stocked Christian book stores are these days when it comes to books that are of any consequence. Because Bible covers were occupying the space that was meant for history books I came down at least moderately hard on those Bible covers. Over the last week I had conversations with a few different people about whether or not I was too hard on Bible book stores or not hard enough. I felt I was gentle while also making my point plain. No need to hurt any one's feelings. I felt that way, that is, until I went to the Bible book store again this morning to get my last Christmas present. Then I found this:


I no longer feel a need to be nice. This is either the saddest or funniest thing in the Christian book store, I can't decide. Well that's not totally fair, this is merely indicative of many products that Christian book stores are peddling. Every single brand that exists, from Adidas to the Republican party has Christian parody propaganda replicating their appearance. I'm pretty sure this is up there as the most ridiculous though. "I have an idea: lets cover peoples' beautifully leather bound, golden edged book that's contain the very words of God Himself, His main revelation of Himself to humanity, and put it in a really tacky case that is a semi-clever riff on a video game that was incredibly popular two years ago and has since decreased in significance in the culture, that will make us look relevant to society."

I hope I don't hurt any one's feelings with this, but its a frustrating thing. When I think of the creators of this product I can only think of two possible things that could be going on in their minds when they came up with this idea. One option is they think this is a really good idea and they are incredibly proud of the work they have done. If this is the case, which is a scary proposition, then we should not be buying this kind of product because we owe it to them to save them from themselves. When I was a kid I played basketball. I wasn't the most terrible thing in the world but I wasn't that good. Add to that that I was short then and am as an adult only 5'5" and you have the clear makings of a boy who had the potential to be anything he wanted, just not a basketball player. There was no sense in hoping that I was gonna make a career, or even really a hobby, out of basketball. I wasn't going to be Bugsy Malone. My parents were nice to me about it, but they made it clear that I should focus on hobbies I was better suited for, like sitting and reading, or theater, stuff that didn't require height. Did it hurt my little feelings? Absolutely! Were they right? I don't think anyone in all of human history has been more right about anything. If my parents had tried to encourage me on then the end result would have only been hurt, disappointment and embarrassment. We need to do for these people what my parents did for me: stop encouraging them because they are going in the wrong direction. This kind of thing needs to stop, and it will only stop when we stop giving them our money for making ridiculous products. I can only do so much people! I need your help. Stop buying silly knock-offs of pop culture products. Only then will they stop being made, and maybe when that happens something clever will take its place, something that has some artistic and real spiritual merit. Stop the madness before it goes any further.

The other option for what these creators are thinking is far more sinister and I hope its not true, but I fear it is. People make products like this because they think we're stupid. They have no respect for us. They don't think we want or desire anything with more artistic or aesthetic appeal because they don't think we'll appreciate it. They figure we'll be happy with the manipulation of a popular icon, justify its existence with a vague verse then display it. Job done. We'll just buy stuff because its Christian. We should demand more from the things we buy. Its not my place to decide whether or not people who make these products are Christians. But I can say that its an easy market to tap into. You don't have to come up with anything original, just "Christianize" items in pop culture then take a long lunch. When I saw this Bible cover my first thought was "man, they really think we're idiots." The people who make this kind of thing should have more respect for us. We should demand more respect.

I don't really understand Bible covers to begin with. So I'm probably not the market for this. But it confuses me to no end that these kinds of things even exist. And I'm sure if they are in the store they are in the real world. Which means someone is walking around carrying their Bible in one of these cases. And as they do people are giving them strange looks and asking themselves "how long has it been since Guitar Hero and Rock Band were even cool?"