Silent and Stupid (when the wordsmith runs dry)

can we speak frankly?
Honestly?
Openly?

Words mount from floor to ceiling
Words to rest on rose pedals
Words to trip upon
Words to give wings to ideas
And words like led to bring them down
Words to create emotions
Emotions that I'm not feeling
but in guilt I am creating

'Cause that's what good alter boys do!

Let the clock strike
Let the drought end!
and bring me back what I once had

Magic words? a lamp to rub?

What brings you out to set me free?

I've said rhymes and clever verses.
I've said every trite and overused phrase...
bathed myself in predictable cliches

I don't know whats gonna make this end. If I say the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again!

what if i SCREAM! will you hear me?

What do I have to say?

Let me be stupid and speechless
Please don't make me say anything at all
Let me feel your arms around me
and whisper "son soon we'll go home"
Then stand me up steady and upright
your hand on my neck as we go
a warm palm always there to remind me
that I will never be alone

You bring the words that speak comfort
you're rain on the desert sand
so let me be silent and stupid
And soak up your words again

The Vision

I dreamed of a future that is not as distant as some would hope. There are those who will say I am a lunatic, but history will vindicate me! My dream has told me that we, modern man is spiraling into yet another world war, World War Three.

I stand, poised, feet shoulder width apart. There's blood dripping from my right hand, I'm not sure why. Is it mine? Is it his? I settle in my mind not to know. Nothing can be done about it now. There's a job to finish. I'm a soldier, this is what I'm made for. My pistol is pointed toward the ground, not the ground, the man lying on the ground. Kyhl, the man I once called brother. Now fate has made us enemies. I pull back the hammer, the bullet slides into place. Kyhl stairs down the barrel, his eyes nearly cross. He breaths out a last desperate plea, "Tyler... brother." I respond in a all too guttural, awesome sounding tough guy voice: "Once." A single tear falls lose from the corner of his eye, the man who never cries! The salt water creates a stream of white, washing away days of dirt and blood that were covering his face. "All of this... death... and for what? Its liked I don't even know you anymore! Its like we speak... but we don't make a sound." My finger moves on its own, the trigger pulls, the hammer falls, and the bullet explodes from the chamber. Kyhl falls limp, I turn my head, unable to watch as a man I once called brother finds his end.

"Can you hear me now?" I retort with a dry cool wit reserves for action heroes of the highest caliber (a'la Bruce Willis in Die Hard). Smokes rises from the chamber. I remain still, tall and proud. The full moon's glow reveals me in full uniform, black with red camouflage, certainly its not practical but it looks freakin' sweet. A "V" on the left side of my chest, its my emblem, the symbol of my devotion: Verizon Wireless. She is my mother, and I am her son, her administrator of justice. I am a soldier in the greatest war known to man, World War Three: Battle of the Cell Phone Providers.

I awake in a cold sweat, both impressed with how cool I looked as a soldier of the VMF (Verizon Military Force) and distraught to have seen myself kill a man who has been such a close friend to me. Worse still is the sinking feeling that I have looked at an image that was not intended for me, as though I were given access to secret information. I saw what will be: the terrible, Terminator-esque destruction of WWIII: BotCPP. Our only hope is that this blog would shed light on the danger we march towards, in hopes of creating a more tolerant world before its too late.

I used to hate cell phones. I hated the idea that someone should be able to get a hold of me at all times, there was no more privacy. Among all of my friends I was the last to get one, which seemed like a cool social stand for me to take but a pain for all of my friends from whom I was constantly borrowing phones. Then one day I gave in and got a cell phone and plummeted into the dark world of total dependency on that stupid little box. It has become a part of my life to where sometimes I feel completely disconnected if I don't have it; "who is calling me?" I wonder. Generally no one. Life goes on...

Along with having a cell phone is being aware of plans and limitations, I can text this often to a person with this other provider, and text all I want to anyone with Verizon, I can talk all I want to anyone on Verizon but can only talk for free on nights and weekends to So and So or Such and Such because they are on T-Mobile... etc. etc. Forget even trying to figure out different time zones or holidays. I don't know about you but I'm generally too lazy to keep track of how many texts I've sent, much less trying to keep track of my minutes used during the day. Its all too much. Laziness led to me deciding that my closest friends (if they wanted to talk to me) must be Verizon subscribers, otherwise they were just too much trouble. And there began my intolerance of other cell phone companies.

I know I'm not alone. We have all gone through the bigotry of disliking someone because of their cell phone provider I hate calling Ryan, he never has service here! I always joked that my number one standard for a girl was not her smile or any other thing guys often say, first and foremost she has to have Verizon. Otherwise its just too much trouble.

There was a girl I was interested in and we would text often. But she was from some other provider. She was not my people. I lived in panic with every text, conflicted by a desire to respond and fear of the tole it would take on my bank account. I was happy she wanted to text me and terrified of what my next statement would look like. I considered cutting her off, abandoning texting or calling her and turning instead to my own kind. I was troubled.

I realized this is exactly what the companies want, they want us divided and hating each other. They want to pull us apart and segregate us. It begins with dismissing a person now because of their cell phone provider. But the lines we draw in the sand may never be erased and before we know it our world is divided and war is commonplace: mother against daughter, brother against sister, friend against friend! We must practice tolerance before this dream becomes a reality. We must accept one another, no matter the service we choose, otherwise the big corporations win. And that's not what anyone wants... well... maybe the big corporations, but that's not the point.

a question in priorities (regarding Twilight, Harry Potter, and other such things that scare evangelicals)

I work in a warehouse, a warehouse that distributes Christian books. Which guarantees two things: I have read the description on the back of "The Five Love Languages" book over 6,000 times (not to mention Five Love Languages: For Singles, Five Love Languages: For Teens, Five Love Languages: for Children, Five Love Languages: Men's Edition, The Heart of the Five Love Languages, The Five Love Languages of Apology, The Love Languages of God... you get the idea...) and I get to listen to Christian radio for over twenty hours a week. I haven't listened to Christian radio since the good old days of Britney Spears asking to "give me a sign (hit me baby one more time)" so I'm experiencing a little bit of culture shock. Mostly I get a hearty helping of Christian pop standards, and different renditions of what it would sound like if Pearl Jam converted (admit it... contemporary Christian music owes more to Eddie Veddar than anyone else, if you don't agree you're in denial. This isn't a bad thing, its just a fact. Modern Christian artists love Eddie Vedder and his sweet, deep vabrato.) Sometimes I get to listen to a little bit of Christians Christianizing talk radio. Often they talk about the marriage between culture and Christianity. And nothing is more prominent right now in American pop culture than the literary and cinematic sensation Twilight.

Apparently this radio station does a Friday morning segment on Christianity and film where they discuss how Christians can successfully interact (I use the term loosely) with popular films. While I was nearly herniating picking up a large box of Bible Commentaries and loading them onto the truck I affectionately call the Batmobile I overheard them discussing Twilight. The cinema and faith expert seemed entirely confused on how to address the movie. He stuttered like he didn't even want to talk about it, but since it had already sold out in pre-release in nearly ever theatre in the country he had to discuss it. He first went over Bolt and said how it was amazing and every family should watch it because its family friendly and cute and such and such and blah blah blah. Its a kids movie, there was nothing offensive in it, go see it, was the message I got. Then he got to Twilight, a film not about a talking dog but about a vampire (dun, dun, dun!). The undead creatures of the night who feast on humanity (although from what I understand vampires in this movie, by and large neither feast on humanity nor are night creatures but just sparkle in the day). None the less these are evil creatures.

The man could not in good conscience recommend the movie because it was about vampires. He asked: can Christians support a movie that has good vampires, likable vampires, heroic vampires? Just like Harry Potter who makes witchcraft look AWESOME, Twilight romanticizes the life of the undead. This is a bad thing. We can only conclude that Twilight should be avoided by Christians. Why? Because of vampires. Vampires are evil. Vampires are the undead. So don't be entertained by them. No one mentions the fact that vampires are fiction. But that doesn't enter in. "Don't see Twilight because there are vampires." I'm not really surprised by this, evangelicals protested Harry Potter with more passion then they often worship! The problem is, we're critiquing films on the wrong basis. Disregarding (much less protesting) a film because of witches, wizards, vampires or werewolves is not the right way to go about it.

We act like by watching these movies we are going to want to be a wizard or vampire, as if once I see Harry Potter slap a pig's tale on his cousin I'm gonna renounce my faith, buy a magic wand, and give my jerk cousin an extra piggy appendage. No one was concerned at the release of Lion King that I would start believing animals could talk and convert to animism. Because that would be STUPID! And I am sure that if I really thought I would be like Harry Potter my loving parents would buy me a wand and protective helmet to match.

At the risk of appearing condescending let me explain that these movies are not endorsing wizardry or blood sucking any more than Wizard of Oz supports brainless Scarecrows having political careers. The point, what we learn when we read or watch these things, lives below the surface. Wizards and vampires (and scarecrows... oh my!) are the body of the story, they provide the excuse to tell the story, they aren't the point of the story. Therefore they aren't a great evil to be avoided because they don't really matter all that much. They are the conduit to project values and principles. Its a tool. You can't say "I'm gonna tell a story about gaining self confidence and realizing one's potential" because that's stupid and no one is going to read that book because people want an interesting story line to help them digest the delicious values. But if you say "I'm gonna write a book about a kid who becomes a wizard and fights a guy with no nose" then sign me up! We use these clever story lines to teach, examine, etc. Not to recruit supernatural beings.

At the risk of being even more condescending let me ask this question: Who cares? So what if a kid thinks it'd be awesome to go to Hogwarts (funny how that name isn't flagged by spellcheck anymore... congrats Harry Potter mythology) or to be able to read minds and live off of the blood of animals. ITS FICTION!!! After watching Star Wars I sat for hours trying to use the force to move crap... it didn't work. I was sad. I learned a hard lesson. My parents thought it was funny. Good times for everyone.

So what should Christians be asking about these movies? What we need to be asking is what are these movies teaching us? Twilight is not teaching youngsters that vampiring is awesome. It was not written as a recruiting manual for the undead. The movies are teaching us something however, (whether on purpose or not, we are learning). What are these movies teaching us about love? Relationships? Family? Sex? Masculinity? Femininity? Truth? Life? Death? Sacrifice? Loyalty? You get the idea. These movies can also be indicative of where our culture is at (youth pastors listen up! you can learn a lot by paying attention to what kids are into and what it says about them). For example, what does Twilight say about what girls find attractive in guys and how does that effect both sexes when it goes to relationships and expectations? We need to move past the surface and consider what movies are teaching us beneath. When that happens perhaps we will be able to actually engage the culture in a constructive manner.

The Performance of a Lifetime (Lepers not welcome!)

wash down some Dramamine
with six shots of caffeine
don't i look pristine
doesn't my skin glow?

veneered and smiling
a wit that beguiling
countless lies are compiling
no one will know

"Come join us" they whisper
"there's a part you can play:
'the content little preacher
with nothing to say.'"

Be beautiful
appealing
aesthetically pleasing.
Be loved
or be cherished.
Be nothing at all.

My words can be Prozac
mounting Hell onto man's back
kill the mood with a voice crack
my true feelings would show

life just like fame
gone as quick as it came
better my words than my name
be remembered after i go

I like being ugly
and I'm proud to be crass
i'm the leprous warrior
battling the snake in the grass

Useless Words

Words are important!
At least words used correctly are important.
When words are used flippantly or without thought they become meaningless.
In making words meaningless we strip speech of its beauty and words of their effectiveness. We make communication relative, and once communication is relative what is the point? Why even speak when the words that are used are completely subjective? We create ourselves into the people constructing the tower of Babel, where no one person is able to understand the other as we each carry around with us our own personal dictionary full of words defining words that are defined by us and have special meaning only to us.
Plus its just annoying!
There are two words in particular that have become completely useless in American pop culture: 1) "Feel" and 2) "Need." These two words have become overused to the point of being useless and I am not sure either really relates their intended meaning, as I will explain further...
But first, a tangent:
I am trying to anticipate arguments. The first I am trying to help as much as I can. I am sure there are those who are picking apart my own writing to show how ridiculous what I am saying is; they will try and find any misspelled or misused word and in doing so they think they have deconstructed my argument. In truth you've only discovered that I am slightly stupid or maybe dyslexic, you haven't really deconstructed the overall point that is made. You've proved the author is dumb, not the writing.
The other argument is in my choice of words to criticize. People may say that "like" should be involved in this list. That might be and there is an argument that can be made for it, but I would disagree. "Like" is not a useless word. It does not show our tendency to use words without regard to meaning and it does not try to communicate one thing while actually (if one is paying attention) communicate another. It is not useless. The problem with "like" is that it is entirely useful, and that is the terrible tragedy of it all. "Like" is used as a filler; it fills the silent beats between the necessary words. It is indicative of our fear of silence, rather than of our inability to properly communicate, or understand what it is that we are communicating. We should not fear silence in conversation, and we should not fear to take a second to respond. We would all do better to use "like" less often and let the silent beats exist. It gives us time to think about a response, about what is being communicated, about anything or everything. "Like" is a stupid word, but it is not useless.
Tangent completed, on to useless words:
1) "Feel": When asked what he felt was a Biblical view on capital punishment in the "Moody Student" (Moody Bible Institutes' student newspaper) a student replied: "I will always be an advocate for rehabilitation rather than capital punishment. I feel it is an Old Testament principle, but not a New Testament principle."* What in the name of Poseidon's trident does feeling have to do with any of that?! You feel pain, love, anger, joy! You don't feel whether or not capital punishment is a Biblical concept. I am not saying that feelings can't be objective realities I am saying that they are based on internal instinct and reaction. If I get a present, I feel joy, I cannot quantify that joy. I can manifest it with a smile, but I can't give proof of it. I can give proof that there is no such thing as an Old Testament concept that isn't also a New Testament concept(but that's a horse of a different color all together). Feelings are based on emotion and are, by consequence, fleeting. Those feelings are not lasting until partnered with a cognitive choice. Love is fleeting if not accompanied by the choice to show characteristics of love long after the feeling fades. Feelings are dangerous things. If we make decisions based on our feelings we are in a world of trouble. If we rely on how we feel to make a decision, rather than having reason and proof, then we are going to make poor decisions. I don't feel like working, but if I don't I will have no money. I don't feel like loving other Christians, but if I don't my witness is destroyed. We cannot base our lives on feelings. And if we are Christians trying to understand Biblical values through our feelings soon we are going to be very, very wrong. We're better off just reading the book and leaving our feelings out of interpreting Scripture.
If I can be blunt: It does not matter how you feel! Soon we will all die. When that happens this world will forget about most of us... probably all of us. It does not matter how you feel in the eternal perspective of things. All that matters is the truth. Lets not confuse our feelings with what is true. Be people who confess truth, not feelings.
And if you don't mean feeling in this sense than don't use the word! "Think" or "believe" are perfect words to use instead.**
2) "Need": Where to even begin with our shameful obsession with the concept of need?! I've spent enough time waiting tables at restaurants to hear my fair share of people say "yeah... I'm gonna need another soda." What a foolish thing to say! No one needs another soda! We live in the most wealthy country in the world. Even the poorest of us are the richest people in the world. We, as Christians are the most opulent Church this world has ever known. We don't need anything!!! To say the word need is an insult to those who actually experience need, those who go days without food, who wonder where they will sleep, and wonder how they will keep safe at night. To be honest with myself, I don't think I've ever needed anything. There was never an instance where a need of mine was not easily met. We need to be more grateful for the things that we have, and realize that they are blessings above and beyond what any of us need. We don't need soda with our meals, much less refills. We don't need beautiful cars or additions on our houses. We don't need seconds at dinner! But thanks be to God, who out of His abundance gives us all we need and more. I am concerned that this kind of language can make us ungrateful. We need to recognize our blessings and thank God for them. Not take them for granted. We need to start using the word want or desire more often, and stop mistaking our wants for needs.
Believe what you will about what I've said. But it is not a waste for me to emphasize:
Words are important!





*this quote is filled with all sorts of problems that can be dissected with whole blogs (forget that, even books!) dedicated to explaining how its wrong. But for our purposes I'm gonna focus on the word "feel".
** but even if that student thinks or believes that capital punishment is an Old Testament concept alone, and not a New Testament concept he is still wrong... just thought I'd throw that out there.

the writing on the wall: philosophy is like a flying gold fish

I took this picture on my phone on the subway in Boston a few months back. The poster advertises that philosophy, particularly that provided by Philosophy Works, is able to set you free and think clearly.
Fair enough...
Its a nice idea.
But its ridiculous.
A hybrid of western and eastern thought (contradicting ideologies to begin with) is silly at best and leaves confusion and contradiction for all those who participate in it. Certainly they may feel better about themselves and hug a little bit more or walk around with peaceful little smiles but they will not have the answers. The poster itself proves my point that this philosophy is ridiculous and destructive. Freedom is symbolized by two goldfish jumping free of their water. Oh sweet freedom! They are no longer held in by the environment they've always lived in; they can experience a different world. Now, I'm no doctor but I know this much: when the fish are out of that water they will die very shortly! Sure they've broken lose, but they aren't free. They're about to suffocate. And that's the tragedy of modern philosophy.

Honesty (my mask is so tight i've become unable to breath)

we crack
smiles
or vases
proclaiming our cases
from pulpits
or dung heaps
as the city sleeps

eyes open, heart pounding, our screams are resounding

claiming serenity, pleading for pity, grasping for dignity, coming up empty

construct
abstractions
to replicated
our passions
convincing the masses
that we are alive

abandon pretension, disarm apprehension, reveal frustration, share celebration, a bold declaration, let each other in.

Voice for the Visionaries

Avid are the fans of this legalism. Devoted are the proponents of this righteous movement. Set in their ways are they. Stuck in their ways I seem to be. The path they set for right or wrong is the path I, along with they, follow. When the doctrine of “always was” drowns out the practicality of “what if” and the ideology of “safe steps” dominates the hopes of “what could be”, what do we have left, how can change come? We look behind us at the path that got us here and realize it is not the best way to go. Yet we look ahead... we move ahead in the way we’ve known. The way we've hated, the way that is familiar, the way that is accepted, the way that follows what our philosophers and thinkers, as shallow as they may be, have taught, written, and demanded. Change does not come easy. We walk the path we know before we forge the path that is best. We say its worth the risk, we think we’re wrong. We are the cynics, the philosophers, the sarcastic, the analyzers, and criticizers of this generation. We see so much potential, we’ve been given vision. We see.
Avid are the fans of legalism. Devoted are the proponents of this righteous movement. Set in their ways are they. Stuck in their ways we seem to be. Why don’t the visionaries speak in the city squares? Why don’t the prophets scream from the rooftops? Why don’t the cynics rise against to bring rebellion? Why don’t the seers bring their visions to the masses? Why do we stand in the shadows of the shallow? Visionaries should be the vision casters. That we might bring what could be into the world of what is. That we could make know to all what we have spoken amongst ourselves. That we could shout from the street corners and roof tops what we have whispered in the secret places. Let us bring the visions in our eyes to the people. That change may come. That we would no longer be slaves of what has always been. That we may be free in what can be... what is. When the masses raise their voices to a mighty scream the sirens song is of no effect, indeed the sirens song is dead. Raise your voices masses. Show them what to scream oh visionaries.

old poems

"The Weight of Glory (Tread Carefully Saints)"

life hangs in the balance of
these moments and choices
made in haste or careful (sometimes carefree) consideration
walking through minefields
and holy ground
makes for a heavy heart
and light steps
to understand
what every step can mean
and has meant to
saints sinners martyrs murders
and every soul in between
rusty shrapnel
and hallowed shrines
serve to remind of the consequences
of every step taken
and every blade of grass broken
by my foot...
and I am so frightened

God only knows if I'll make it or not
so I spray these 9 bullets cause they're all that I got

heavy heart light feet as I tread through mine fields
the footsteps of the martyrs will lead me home


"thirty thousand dollars well spent"

College dorms and overpriced books hallways wallpapered in phallic jokes a shower may be too much work a shot of cologne and a fabreeze sprayed shirt should work another paper why was Marx wrong was that a curse word in that song another sarcastic comment followed by an empty apology ten page papers screw it solitaire I ran out of gel so shave my hair was she looking at me or leading me on I will pray about it then pine over what went wrong wear my heart on my sleeve and my philosophy on my shirt self deprecations one thing but correction can hurt sarcasm is my best friend but no one else will be rebuke is a bad icebreaker but doe eyed females are deadly I love christian college


This one is my response Paris Hilton going to jail and the media circus that went with it:
"the news (a poem about whats important in the good ol' U.S of A)"
somepoliticianisontrialPARISHILTONISINJAILblahblahblah
darfurSHECRIEDWHENSHERECEIVEDHERSENTENCEsome
crapabouttheeconomyorsomethingSHEWASDRAGGEDFROM
THECOURTROOMSCREAMINGFORHERMOMMYtheresbeen
awargoingonactuallymaybeafewSHEISBEINGRELOCATEDSIG
HTINGMEDICALCONCERNSaidspandemicBOOKDEALSARE
BEINGDISCUSSEDpolaricecapsmeltingVERSACEDOESN'TMA
KEORANGEJUMPSUITS

if it helps... there are 9 characteristics listed in the fruit of the spirit.

media propaganda (I swear I'm not paranoid)

This is an image on myspace advertising for people to "get out and vote!"
What fun!
Whether intentional or not this seems like total propaganda and it frustrates me. I'm not stating my political views here. I don't know who I'm voting for. But this picture here seems to present a bias. Obama looks comfortable, relaxed, confident, and (in the most heterosexual way possible) attractive. While McCain... well, he doesn't even look like he knows where on God's green earth he is. He looks awkward, like the uncle at the family party no one wants to be there and was invited out of guilt but refuses to get the hint and leave.
Perhaps I'm reading into this too much, I've been accused of as much in my life. But I know two things: 1) Media has a powerful effect on culture and politics, and 2) Media (particular that marketed at our generation: MTV, bloggers, etc) have been less than candid about their left leaning, which is often masked with bipartisan "Get out the vote" rhetoric. I'll quickly explain these two points:
1) Had I not settled on Church history as a major I might have put my mind towards a number of different historical subjects. One of the topics that has interested me the most is the history of media and its impact on culture, particularly the impact television has had on culture and politics (and more recently the internet). In the election between Nixon and Kennedy (which the Wikipeadians can tell you about here) in 1960 television is said to have played a pivotal role. As best as I can remember (The wikipedians are no help in reminding me) this was the first election with a televised debate that was also over radio. Showing up to the debate Kennedy was shaved, with a nice black suit and healthy disposition. Nixon showed up with stubble, a brown suit (that did not look good on cameras), and was sick. Needless to say he was much less visually appealing. The interesting thing is that a survey showed that those who watched the debate felt that Kennedy did better, while those who listened on the radio believed Nixon did better. Clearly, the new visual component had a dramatic effect that the Kennedy administration planned for (they did test screenings) and Nixon did not. I'm not necessary saying this is a bad thing, I'm just saying its something we need to be aware of. We need to consider how the media is subconsciously influencing us.
2) MTV in 1992 had the "Rock the Vote" campaign trying to get college age students to get out and vote. The MTV generation was told the importance of their vote on the nation. Clearly their leaning was towards the left, giving positive time to Clinton. Chris Cornell, lead singer from Sound Garden and Audioslave, later went on record saying that he did not contribute to the Rock the Vote ads because he felt that MTV was more interested in getting people to vote for Clinton, rather than getting people to vote in general. He felt this was misleading. So do I. I have no problem with people making their voices heard regarding who they feel will make a better candidate. I am uncomfortable with them disguising it as unbiased when it clearly is.

Apathy City

I wanted to conduct a social experiment. I wanted to find out if anyone in this city cared about anyone else. I was going to be the bait, every person I walked past was going to be my test subject.
I did not want dramatic acts of heroism. I just wanted a smile, a nod, even for someone just to look me in the eye... just to acknowledge my existence as a human being.
No one smiled, no one nodded, hardly anyone looked me in the eye, and a few people nearly ran into me had I not noticed them first and moved out of their way.

I was disappointed.

A self-righteous disappointment. These masses, so caught up in their own lives, too narcissistic to care about anyone else but themselves, so wrapped up in their own lives that they didn't care about anyone else's broke my heart.
As I arrived at this "holy realization" I was simultaneously stepping over the third homeless person I had passed that night.
No eye contact, no nod, no smile, no help. They might as well have not been there at all.
And I realized that I didn't care about them really either, nor any other person I had passed and judged. Sure I tried smiling, but I cared little for their life, their pain, their hopes, their eternity. I didn't care about them, I cared only about whether or not they cared about me.

And I was disappointed.

I don't know.

Maybe its something they're putting in the water...

An Open Letter to Emerging Bandwagoners...

I used to want to be cool. I wanted to be cool so bad it hurt. I concocted elaborate plans to perpetuate my own coolness (using the word "perpetuate" daily was part of the plan to become cool), I wanted so badly to be accepted by those who were accepted by other people. I wanted to be cool. I bought the clothes, did the wooshy thing with my hair so it spiked up all nice, talked just right, and I watched mtv just so I could bag on it (all while knowing I was supposed to secretly like it, but even deeper down hating it, and hating more that I had to like it but pretend to hate it... it was complicated... recovering cool wanna-bes understand).
Then I realized a few things:
1) this isn't me, this is me doing an impression of what I think other people think everyone else thinks is cool. Confusing ain't it?
2) Its too much work and I am unhappy doing it.
3) Its all so ridiculous to the point of being an easy satire of itself, this being cool or hip business.
4) the gospel, and Christ Himself leaves no space for this vain attempt at coolness or social acceptance.
5) I'm gonna die soon. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not for another 60 years but soon enough I'll be dead. There is precious time left and I don't want to waste it doing stuff I don't want or being someone I don't want to be.

Which brings me to my current point: We need to stop trying to be cool. This could be seen as a challenge to emergent/emerging people but more than that this is an appeal to regular guys who are standing at the edge of the pool, testing the waters to see how warm this new bath of Christian coolness really is. Trust me boys (and girls... i should be more gender inclusive in my writing I am sure...) the water is warm and calming. And we all know what warm water does to us: it sings us to sleep like a soft and beautiful siren until we're one with the rocky coast from which the siren sings. It puts us to sleep, it makes us comatose.
We have no time for sleep. The time is short and there is work to do.
I heard a Christian young man the other day, just fresh from graduating college and ready to take the world on (so to speak), talking about how "post modern" he is and how he was going to make the Gospel relevant to this generation.
See, post moderns (or "poe-mods" as I like to call them) are concerned that the Gospel is losing its vitality in this new age of relativity. It needs to be revamped, repackaged, and redistributed to make it more palpable in this new "emerging" generation. We need to see the faith different, through a post modern lens, so that our faith will last beyond this current existential crisis.
So we embrace relativity.
We embrace tolerance.
We become cool.
In doing so we must part ways with absolute truth. We abandon certainty. Instead of providing hope and certainty in an uncertain world we stand amongst the lost and say "I'm just as lost as you, but thats okay, we have one another."
I see our attempts at making Christianity relevant and appealing to my generation and I am insulted by it. Perhaps I am the uber-cynic and others don't feel the same as me. But I see pastors with their bleached hair, their stylish clothing, their edgy vocabulary ("my pastor said 'shit'... my church is SOOO poe-mod") and I feel like I'm being talked down to. Don't try to be like me Christian! Be yourself. I understand there are those who are being genuine, but they are few and far between. Make no mistake this is an attempt at surface coolness in order to appeal to this generation. Its a sales technique. We should be insulted.
Christians, its a lie to think that you have to look/talk/act like those with whom you're ministering in order to affectively reach them. You're doing nothing but perpetuating the myth of coolness. You've been suckered into believing the lie this world has created that the cool people are the ones who are more valuable in society.
By trying to make the Gospel cool and relevant we act like we're are saving it or something. Thats a ridiculous proposition! Picture reading a Superman comic where Superman saves a woman from a collapsing bridge. Her very foundation was crumbling beneath her and she was about to fall hundreds of feet to her death when Superman swept in and saves her life and brought her onto solid ground. She thanks him, nobly he says "its my pleasure" and prepares to fly away when she grabs his arm and says "Superman, be careful today, theres reports of salmonella poison in tomatoes right now, so you should probably not eat any for a while." And she walks away proud that she saved Superman's life, while he flies off confused thinking to himself, "I just saved this woman's life by flying in swooping her away from certain death, I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I think I can handle a little tomato... Plus, I don't even eat tomatoes." She didn't save his life, she didn't accomplish anything but making herself feel better.
That is kinda like what we can do when we think we're saving the Gospel. The Gospel doesn't need us to save it. Its lasted for nearly 2000 years without any of our help. And when we're all dead the Gospel will continue. You know why? Because it has nothing to do with us. Its exists beyond and outside of us. We are the bearers and presenters of it but it does not endure because of us. It is God's Gospel, and just as He is eternal so is His Gospel.
The liberal church of the early twentieth century tried making the Gospel more relevant. The liberal church has faded. The Gospel remains. Trust me, the Gospel will outlive us all. Stop trying to do it any favors.
The Gospel isn't cool. Its never going to be cool. It doesn't want to be cool. Therefore any bearers of the Gospel will not be and cannot be cool either.
Its just the nature of things.
Deal with it.
Accept your decent from coolness into the world of being all things to all people that you might save some (1 Corinthians 9:22).
The Gospel is offensive. To those who do not want to believe it but want to follow their own path the Gospel carries with it the smell of death (2 Corinthians 2:15-16), they want nothing to do with it no matter how you package it. It doesn't matter what you look like, how you talk; you don't matter! To those who are called the Gospel is a sweet aroma because its brings life, hope, eternity, and a relationship with the creator of the world. It saves us from ourselves and our sin. It saves us from death. How beautiful! But to those who don't want to be saved it is a disgusting proposition they want nothing to do with. It offends them. There is no way to package it differently and make it more appealing. The Gospel speaks for itself. You proclaim it, it does the rest. If it helps, let me encourage you with this: it is God that is being rejected, not you. It does not reflect on you personally that a person rejects God.
If you want to help, pray more. Pray that God changes hearts. Use your time spent programming and packaging to pray.
The Gospel is divisive. Christ says that He will even separate family members by His message (Matthew 10: 34-36)! How can we hope to do any better? We cannot change the Gospel from being what it is.
The Gospel is powerful, it elicits a response. That response can be powerful and life changing; saving a soul forever. Or it can inspire frustration and anger. But its never cool. Nor are those who carry it.
I have no desire to be cool. Nor do I have a desire to learn from those who are. We are at war against the darkness, coolness doesn't enter into it. Bring me men and women ready to fight for truth no matter what the conditions, that is who I want standing next to me; regardless of their social status, style, or ability to quote every Will Ferrell movie*.
In the age of relativity truth is vilified at worst and made out to be an intangible object at best. We are not of this generation Christians. Christ calls Himself the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6). He is the truth, and we are of Him.
The Gospel is able to save lives and it gives us hope for eternity. It gives us a firm foundation to stand on in shaky times. And it unites us with the creator of the universe. But it will never make us cool.
Now lets be at peace and stop trying so hard.



*which is not a bad thing... it just doesn't make us better ministers of the truth.

Christian Currency (or Christianity and the art of tipping with the Gospel)

I work in a restaurant. I wait tables. I make money by waiting tables. I live by waiting tables. Thats all the money I make. I live off of what people give to me. The government expects that people will give me money. They tax me for that money (hypothetical though it may be). Hourly wage? That means very little, in fact it means next to nothing. The government taxes the ever -loving crap out of my hourly wages.
Tips! Tips is where it is at for the server.
Its hard work living off of the generosity of others. Its demeaning at times, at least for me. I provide a service and the amount I am rewarded for that service is completely objective depending on:
1) the sympathy of the customer for my financial situation
2) the class (not social class but class as in the content of their character) of the customer
3) the mood of the customer
4) the customer's knowledge of the inner working of the tipping/waiting world
5) every other employee in the restaurant (getting an hourly wage) doing their job so that I can do mine.
Its a bizarre and unpredictable business. I want out of it as soon as I can! But I've been saying that for 5 years and here I am...
All this to say, the tips servers get from customers are their means of income. Every dollar counts and every dollar is appreciated.
Which brings me to the point of this blog:
Dear Christians:
When you tip using Christian tracks (those little booklets that contain the gospel with pictures and or amusing* anecdotes) you're generally not accomplishing your intended purpose. Do I doubt that a soul can be saved by a track? Absolutely not. BUT in our generation of skepticism people don't read them and people don't care. You have to earn respect before people are gonna take the time to read something like that.
So if you act like a jerk, if you're demanding and short tempered, if you're argumentative, or if you don't tip well it doesn't matter what that piece of paper says. Your server won't read it. If he/she does they will generally have a negative view of Christianity because you contradicted yourself.
All servers want is money. That is the truth. I have seen so many extra pieces of paper thrown away because they had nothing to do with the one thing the server is there for: $money$.
Seriously. It doesn't matter what it is; it gets thrown away at best and ridiculed mercilessly at worst.
You wanna be a witness? You wanna impact people with the gospel? Live your life for Christ. Care for each person as a individual who's needs and wants are more important than your own. Serve people. Build relationships. You earn the right to share the gospel through it being active in your life. If Christ isn't present in your life than no one is going to want to hear about Him redeeming theirs. By leaving a track (especially if it supplements a decent tip) you only piss people off, it may make you feel better about yourself but it leaves Christians with whom these servers have a relationship picking up the pieces.
Sundays are the worst. I come into work after a busy Sunday to servers grilling me about why some Christian was either obnoxious or demanding or rude or a bad tipper and then they left a track. "Why would anyone do that?"
You wanna share the gospel? Good. You have to earn it. Build relationships. You want to witness at a restaurant? Good. Build relationships, become a regular, earn respect, earn the right to speak, model Christ. It takes work.
Don't misunderstand me, tracks are not bad things. They are a great tool to share the gospel. They should not be used as a shortcut to sharing the gospel! The gospel is DECLARED, not passively laid on a table and left for a busboy to throw away.
At my work we would collect them and call them "Christian currency." The thought was that one day fudamentalist, conservative Christians (a group unto itself) would take over the government and then these tracks would become our currency and we servers would all be rich! It doesn't look like that day is coming. So please just tip your server 15-20%, smile, and come back soon. And please DECLARE the gospel, don't leave it timidly under a 5% tip (unless you really do have ambitions of one day making those our currency than me and all my server friends could finally pay off school and our cars).


*using the word loosely

the fork

I probably should have made "the fork" the title for this blog... and so it goes.

here is an excerpt from Joakim Garff's biography of Soren Kierkegaard (translated by Bruce H. Kirmmse):

At home [Kierkegaard] bore the nickname "the fork," because that was the utensil he had named when he had been asked what he would most like to be: "a fork," the freckled little boy had answered. "Why?" "Well, then I could 'spear' anything I wanted on the dinner table." "But what if we come after you?" "Then I'll spear you." And the name "the fork" stuck to him because of "his precocious tendency to make satirical remarks." (p. 8-9).

I want to be a fork.

Why I don't Like Dashboard Confessional

I attended church today. I didnt know I was going to. Generally I would like to know before entering some sort of tabernacle or temple or... whatever. I thought I was going to a concert. I honestly thought that. I would put money into the guys hand, get a ticket, give that to some other guy, walk three steps, some dude would feel me up nice and gentle as to make sure that I was not packing any weapons and I would be let into the concert. But rather I entered a tabernacle for the teenage females of our age. I provided correct currency as to be allowed access into the most holy shrine, I brought the sacrifice to the priest, and then made sure that I was pure for entering the temple. So here I was with my dowery offered and my circumcision verified and then allowed to enter into the temple, the temple of Chris Corrabba, under the assumed godhead Dashboard Confessional. We awaited the appearing and at his magnificent manifestation the crowd stood in awe and complete joy to be sharing the same smoke filled air with the object of their affection, desire, lust, deification. They screamed and offered up praises; they worshiped the stage on which he stood. He was the beginning and the end; at his high notes the world trembled, at his screams the ground shook. Fourteen year old girls were shown god in the flesh and were awestruck by angelic beauty... no not angelic, his voice commanded the angels, at his voice the angels wept in unison with he as they mourned their youthful failed relationships. I saw little girls tonight worship a man who will soon die. I watched them pledge their love and hearts to a man who they will never speak with, a man whos voice they will never hear other than when filtered through the microphone. I watched them praise him and I felt the ground shake with their screams. I saw their bodies move and heard their voices crack. These are our new golden calves, these are our new babel towers, these are our wood, hay and stubble, and inside I wept in sadness, knowing that in justice and righteousness the Jealous One, may soon drop the match. Turn from this emptiness children... lets go home.

introduction: in second part

i don't claim to understand Nietzsche. He's confusing. His image of the madman on the street corner has stuck with me though.
There is something ironic, tragic, and sobering about someone who has something so profound to say, provides such a strong indictment on his culture, and is so passionate about his message that he screams it from the streets... and no one hears him.
This blog intends (in no where near as profound a sense) to be observations, critiques, and musing on the current culture, trends, and oddities of daily life as I experience it. The madman fits because... well... we'll see if anyone hears. Either way, I will scream from my proverbial street corner.
I am not a prophet and I don't pretend to have anything to say that will change the world forever. I do hope to provide some entertainment and be thought provoking if at all possible... we'll see.
Clarification: God is not dead. I am an evangelical Protestant and this blog will reflect those convictions. Nietzsche intended to explain that human advancement had caused man to forget about God creating a spiral into nihilism. He was warning people to take notice of where they were heading... you know what just read about it on wikipedia.*

The Wikipedians provide very helpful insight if you want more explanation on "death of God" theology or Nietzsche's madman in his writings: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/God_is_dead

this is the final boring blog I will post. I promise.

*i'm not a big fan of wikipedia. But i'm tired of doing research and this section seemed to be well informed as far as I can tell.

Nietzsche’s Madman

A
Powder
Packed
Pistol
Pointed
high in the air
a violent crack
for all to hear
the
Prophet
Poised to
Present the
Public
Plea
"hear me, hear me..."
at the city corner he cries
as on deaf ears,
each word lies
"our
Purity
Perverted by
Progress and
Pride
we are the guilty ones...
God has died!"