Here is something a little different... I have ideas for a few books I would like to write, each a little different from the others. One is a reflection on the Christian college experience, and the title of the book ("30,000 Well Spent") is taken from the title of a poem I wrote during my first semester at college (you can find it somewhere on this blog). Here is an idea for the start of this hypothetical book, introducing the first time I stepped foot on campus. For this book concept I will hopefully keep writing ideas on here, whilest I keep you in the dark on other book ideas... because, lets be honest, they may never happen and thats just embarrassing if I talk up all these ideas and never actually do any of them. Enjoy.
Her eyes were a green labyrinth I was utterly prepared to be lost in. Her brown hair danced delicately in the Chicago summer wind. Her smile inspired my back to straighten proudly despite the two fifty pound bags I dragged behind me. This was it, my first moment on campus and I met the woman of my dreams, the girl who's voice could calm the chaos stirring in my soul.
Fortunately my parents were kind enough to lag behind as I made my entrance onto campus and into the consciousness of my new love. They wanted to share with me this monumental moment of walking onto campus for the first time, but they gave me space to get some barring on my new surroundings. They were not going to get in my way during my great moment of truth: the first words I would utter to my dream girl.
Not sure what to say I opened my mouth all the same, trusting on God's grace and my own instinct to guild me in the most important conversation of my short life. Words began to press themselves over my tongue making their way over my lips when suddenly my green eyed angel spoke.
"Hi." Music to rival the holy choir.
"Hey." I cleverly retorted, hoping that in one small word my California coolness would dazzle this quaint Midwesterner.
"Can you sing?" This chick is forward! We've only known each other for a few seconds and already she is enquiring about the deeper parts of my soul. She must be a poet. Can I sing?... Can I sing?!...
"No. I'm not much of a singer." If she is not impressed by my humility then she is not the woman I fell in love with.
"Come on, you can sing a little." She sees in me more potential than I even see in myself. She will be my muse.
"Trust me; the whole world is better off if no one has to hear me sing." In that last word finality invaded our endless love. Her vacuous green eyes became stone black. Her soul receded, refusing to bear itself any longer to this musical Neanderthal. I looked to my right to see where my lost love came from. The table read "choir" in bold letters. She was a recruiter. Her eyes swore she loved me but they were filled with empty flattery and lies.
We never spoke again.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Reflections on Lost Part 1: Guarding Your Heart (or "Conviction loves company")
Even though the six members of my family live in three different time zones we still love doing stuff and sharing our lives together. So when my brother decided he would start watching Lost this December all of us decided to come along with him. My parents watched episode by episode, usually one a day. My sister watched as she was able. In the time I began watching Lost the Lord saw fit to give me an unusually large amount of time off from work so I was able to burn through episodes, loving every minute of it.
For the people who don't know Lost is a show designed to mess with the audiences' head. As I watched the first two seasons questions built up in my head, questions numbering in the hundreds. By the final episode of the second season only about two of my questions were answers and I had at least another fifty. The show thrives on mystery and providing explanations for those mysteries in ways the audience could never expect.
In starting to watch Lost I was conscious of the fact that I was over six years behind the times. I was one of the few who hadn't been wrapped up in the Lost mania up to this point. Many people in my life loved the show and discussed it, but up to the point of me actually getting interested in the show it was all just useless ramblings. Then all of a sudden I was into the show and all that rambling had meaning and could unlock secrets I was not yet prepared for.
To truly appreciate the show as it was intended I had to keep myself from hearing spoilers about later episodes. I had to experience each twist and turn as the original audience did. I had to keep myself uncorrupted. But corruption was everywhere. Discussions on Lost were all over the internet. All my friends at work loved talking about television shows they were watching and Lost was one of the most commonly discussed. I had to do my best to keep myself from learning too much too soon, thus ruining the surprises waiting for me.
One day when my friend was trying to text me spoilers about the show because they were too excited about it to not share it with me I fought passionately against them, begging them not to ruin anything for me. I would get to the point they were at soon enough, and we could talk about it then, but if they reveal this bit to me now they would rob me of the shock and joy they were experiencing. After explaining that to them, and threatening to not be their friend anymore, they relented and left to experience Lost with fresh eyes.
With the crisis averted I let out a victory cry (yeah, sometimes I talk to myself) "A man has got to guard his heart! That's right!" Then that stupid statement got me thinking... I had watched three seasons of lost in so many weeks and had managed to keep myself from having one moment or surprise ruined. I got to watch three seasons with the same shock and surprise as a person who watched each original episode.
How did that happen? Because I worked my butt of to make sure nothing was ruined. I was conscious of conversations at work, being sure to steer clear of anything that might corrupt my innocence. I resisted the urge to click on websites that talked about Lost (no matter how much I wanted to read about their thoughts on Locke or the black smoke or anything else). I didn't even tell anyone I was watching the show so they wouldn't ask questions that would lead to spoilers. I made a conscious decision and kept to it.
All those thoughts flooded my mind in an instant and I was convicted. My heart got heavy. I put more work into keeping myself pure in regard to Lost than I do with the rest of my life. Proverbs 4:23 tells me to guard my heart for it is the wellspring of life. I need to protect it from the corrupting influence of sin. But I haven't been too diligent in that. I've allowed myself to see, hear, and touch things of this world I had no business being a part of. Curiosity and sin led me to seek out things I was not yet ready for, it made me go after pleasures that were forbidden. While I knew how important it was to keep myself from the corrupting influence of sin I did it all the same. Part of me had resigned itself to believing that it wasn't possible to live in this world without getting a substantial amount of its dirt on you. Then this whole Lost thing happen and I thought maybe it is possible to keep oneself uncorrupted from the world. But I have to want it.
For the people who don't know Lost is a show designed to mess with the audiences' head. As I watched the first two seasons questions built up in my head, questions numbering in the hundreds. By the final episode of the second season only about two of my questions were answers and I had at least another fifty. The show thrives on mystery and providing explanations for those mysteries in ways the audience could never expect.
In starting to watch Lost I was conscious of the fact that I was over six years behind the times. I was one of the few who hadn't been wrapped up in the Lost mania up to this point. Many people in my life loved the show and discussed it, but up to the point of me actually getting interested in the show it was all just useless ramblings. Then all of a sudden I was into the show and all that rambling had meaning and could unlock secrets I was not yet prepared for.
To truly appreciate the show as it was intended I had to keep myself from hearing spoilers about later episodes. I had to experience each twist and turn as the original audience did. I had to keep myself uncorrupted. But corruption was everywhere. Discussions on Lost were all over the internet. All my friends at work loved talking about television shows they were watching and Lost was one of the most commonly discussed. I had to do my best to keep myself from learning too much too soon, thus ruining the surprises waiting for me.
One day when my friend was trying to text me spoilers about the show because they were too excited about it to not share it with me I fought passionately against them, begging them not to ruin anything for me. I would get to the point they were at soon enough, and we could talk about it then, but if they reveal this bit to me now they would rob me of the shock and joy they were experiencing. After explaining that to them, and threatening to not be their friend anymore, they relented and left to experience Lost with fresh eyes.
With the crisis averted I let out a victory cry (yeah, sometimes I talk to myself) "A man has got to guard his heart! That's right!" Then that stupid statement got me thinking... I had watched three seasons of lost in so many weeks and had managed to keep myself from having one moment or surprise ruined. I got to watch three seasons with the same shock and surprise as a person who watched each original episode.
How did that happen? Because I worked my butt of to make sure nothing was ruined. I was conscious of conversations at work, being sure to steer clear of anything that might corrupt my innocence. I resisted the urge to click on websites that talked about Lost (no matter how much I wanted to read about their thoughts on Locke or the black smoke or anything else). I didn't even tell anyone I was watching the show so they wouldn't ask questions that would lead to spoilers. I made a conscious decision and kept to it.
All those thoughts flooded my mind in an instant and I was convicted. My heart got heavy. I put more work into keeping myself pure in regard to Lost than I do with the rest of my life. Proverbs 4:23 tells me to guard my heart for it is the wellspring of life. I need to protect it from the corrupting influence of sin. But I haven't been too diligent in that. I've allowed myself to see, hear, and touch things of this world I had no business being a part of. Curiosity and sin led me to seek out things I was not yet ready for, it made me go after pleasures that were forbidden. While I knew how important it was to keep myself from the corrupting influence of sin I did it all the same. Part of me had resigned itself to believing that it wasn't possible to live in this world without getting a substantial amount of its dirt on you. Then this whole Lost thing happen and I thought maybe it is possible to keep oneself uncorrupted from the world. But I have to want it.
Well Meaning Promises (or "thus spake the grumpy old man part 1")
I'm twenty-five and single. I don't say that for you to feel bad for me. I don't need your pity, it won't make me any less single and it won't buy me food, so pity is useless. I've had a lot of people feel compelled to comfort me in my current state, sometimes that comfort is fished for, often it's not. And most of the time I have no idea where it comes from at all.
More often than not I'm told "don't worry, she is out there somewhere," or "God's got a great girl for you," or "if soandso can get a girl so can you," etc. It's not just about being single, I get this kind of comfort for a lot of things: "Don't worry, you will get a good job someday," "Someday you'll have a car that doesn't have a big dent in the back of it that people laugh at." Stuff like that. And I have to wonder: Where do these promises come from? How can you guarantee any of this?
Existentialism promised me life defined by pain and difficulty, broken up by moments of levity and joy that are to be cherished and never taken for granted. But make no mistake, in existentialism to live is to suffer. So sad!
The Bible makes several promises of the Lord caring for His own and never forsaking them, but those promises are made to provide comfort because we are also faced with the reality that to be a Christian we must take up our cross, be salt and light, forsake our old life with its passions and desires, seek truth, deny ourselves, face persecution, persevere through trials, etc. I am promised two things: 1) that to be a Christian in this life is to be at war with a world consumed by sin and rebelling against the God I serve, and 2) the Lord will always be with me to love and guide me through all of this (and more than that that this life is temporary, I wait for the joy of heaven that minimized all the trials in this world).
But nowhere do I find a promise that I will meet a beautiful girl and get married. Nowhere is there a mention that I will have a car that doesn't threaten to break down every couple of months. Nowhere am I promised a job that will help me save for a retirement (that is only good if I'm on this planet long enough to enjoy it) or will get me enough money to not have to have ramen noodles be a common part of my diet.
There was a girl I was seeing a while back and she had some things she was worried about. What she wanted to be told was that everything was going to be okay, that the problems would be taken care of and so she didn't need to worry. That might have been the right thing to say at the time, I don't know. But that isn't what I said, which might be the reason for why I said "I was seeing" rather than saying "I am seeing"... who's to say? All I could say was that no matter what happens the details are not in our hands anymore. What is done is done, but no matter what we will deal with it and take each challenge as it comes, trusting that the Lord is guiding our lives.
I deeply appreciate my friends and family trying to comfort me. But I have to keep reminding myself and others that even if I never have any of these things Jesus is still Lord, and someday I will be with Him in paradise. That is what I'm living for and that's the thought that helps me wake up in the morning. Certainly sometimes I wonder if there is a girl out there for me and what she might be doing at any particular moment, and sometimes I wonder what it would be like to own a car where the steering column doesn't sporadically rattle inexplicably. But my comfort is in who Christ is, not in what I have. Jesus is still Lord regardless of marital status or possessions. I pray that that would be what brings us joy, not temporal things.
More often than not I'm told "don't worry, she is out there somewhere," or "God's got a great girl for you," or "if soandso can get a girl so can you," etc. It's not just about being single, I get this kind of comfort for a lot of things: "Don't worry, you will get a good job someday," "Someday you'll have a car that doesn't have a big dent in the back of it that people laugh at." Stuff like that. And I have to wonder: Where do these promises come from? How can you guarantee any of this?
Existentialism promised me life defined by pain and difficulty, broken up by moments of levity and joy that are to be cherished and never taken for granted. But make no mistake, in existentialism to live is to suffer. So sad!
The Bible makes several promises of the Lord caring for His own and never forsaking them, but those promises are made to provide comfort because we are also faced with the reality that to be a Christian we must take up our cross, be salt and light, forsake our old life with its passions and desires, seek truth, deny ourselves, face persecution, persevere through trials, etc. I am promised two things: 1) that to be a Christian in this life is to be at war with a world consumed by sin and rebelling against the God I serve, and 2) the Lord will always be with me to love and guide me through all of this (and more than that that this life is temporary, I wait for the joy of heaven that minimized all the trials in this world).
But nowhere do I find a promise that I will meet a beautiful girl and get married. Nowhere is there a mention that I will have a car that doesn't threaten to break down every couple of months. Nowhere am I promised a job that will help me save for a retirement (that is only good if I'm on this planet long enough to enjoy it) or will get me enough money to not have to have ramen noodles be a common part of my diet.
There was a girl I was seeing a while back and she had some things she was worried about. What she wanted to be told was that everything was going to be okay, that the problems would be taken care of and so she didn't need to worry. That might have been the right thing to say at the time, I don't know. But that isn't what I said, which might be the reason for why I said "I was seeing" rather than saying "I am seeing"... who's to say? All I could say was that no matter what happens the details are not in our hands anymore. What is done is done, but no matter what we will deal with it and take each challenge as it comes, trusting that the Lord is guiding our lives.
I deeply appreciate my friends and family trying to comfort me. But I have to keep reminding myself and others that even if I never have any of these things Jesus is still Lord, and someday I will be with Him in paradise. That is what I'm living for and that's the thought that helps me wake up in the morning. Certainly sometimes I wonder if there is a girl out there for me and what she might be doing at any particular moment, and sometimes I wonder what it would be like to own a car where the steering column doesn't sporadically rattle inexplicably. But my comfort is in who Christ is, not in what I have. Jesus is still Lord regardless of marital status or possessions. I pray that that would be what brings us joy, not temporal things.
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