I like watching people. I'm what some would call a "people watcher". I find people fascinating. One of my favorite things to do is to find a person who is clearly waiting for something or someone and observe their waiting technique. People are horrible at waiting.
I saw a guy waiting in front of the movie theater for what I imagine was a date. He looked at his cell phone twenty-seven times in three minutes and could not stop shuffling his feet, pacing back and forth like he was running the world's shortest laps in track.
I was in a doctor's waiting room, it was just me and another guy. The waiting room is designed for waiting. What a horrible place for humans! I occupied my time nicely by watching this guy try to occupy his. I like to think that he made a challenge to himself that he could not touch and look at every single thing in that waiting room before he was called in to see the doctor. I left before he got called. I still wonder if he was successful (if you're reading this guy in doctor's office at Moody Bible Institute let me know!).
In the olden days of me being a host at a restaurant I would have tables so confused and angered by the passive activity of waiting that they would actually try and will time to go by faster. People would put their name in, I would tell them they had about a fifteen to twenty minute wait, and they would just sit there in a chair and stew until the time was up. They wouldn't say a thing, they'd just sit there concentrating on one brick on the floor, willing time to pass. Often they were only successful in making time go by faster in their own minds, not in reality. See, we had these things called clocks. And while I respect such concepts as biological clocks and internal clocks and things of this nature, I usually find digital clocks are more reliable when it comes to short periods of time, such as ten to fifteen minutes. A person would come up "Hello!!! I've been waiting like twenty five minutes! You told me my table would be ready by now!" I'd politely (what? You don't have to believe me, but its the truth!) respond "Well, we have written here that you put your name down at [such and such a time] and right now its [seven minutes past such and such a time], so you still got a good eight to thirteen minutes." And they'd walk off in a huff, doomed to wait another seven minutes to eat.
The case is built. Here is my point: We hate waiting.
I suppose its not surprising then that so often when I speak to Christians about what the Holy Spirit it teaching them they say they are learning patience.
In my own life currently "wait" seems to the be word of the day. If this were "You Can't Do That On Television" I'd be having slim dumped on my head quite often*. I pray often, presenting to God the things on my heart. He always responds. The response lately has been the same for everything:
"Wait" -God
"But, I was..."-Me
"Wait" -God
"Can't you just..." -Me
"Yes I can, but you wait." -God.
Okay, that's not really what happens. I don't hear an audible voice from God. But you get the idea. I do my best to talk my way out of having to wait and He hears none of it. Apparently what I am supposed to be doing with my life right now is waiting. I wait vigilantly, because who knows when God will lift the black curtain of wait that is in front of me. I'm not passive about it. I'm in a state of readiness. But I'm waiting.
That's boring, and not the coolest thing to tell people when they ask you what you're doing with your life.
"So you graduated college. Now what?"
"Oh man, I'm doing some really intense waiting right now! I've done some waiting in my life, but this is the most hardcore waiting I've ever done."
I try to dress it up but at the end of the day, a spade is a spade.
I don't say that to get pity. I don't want anyone's pity, I can't buy anything for it. So until the day Adidas trades pity points for shoes you can keep it. I'm saying that to show that waiting is humbling. None of us are good at it, and its hard to imagine anyone is going to understand while you're having to do it.
But when its where God has you there is no place you should rather be. I wouldn't want to be doing anything else rather than waiting on God if that is what He has me to be doing right now.
I'm learning patience in the hope that this continues to forge character and teaches me things I would not have learned otherwise. More than that I wait knowing that my life is made to bring God glory, if that is done by being a server at a local restaurant or a great writer so be it.
I am learning patience.
As I go through all this I've talked to a lot of other people who have found themselves or do find themselves in a time of waiting, whether it be for a few days or a few months or a few years.
Because I am who I am and think way too much about everything (I'm not good at waiting either, I just don't present as many physical manifestations of discomfort as others) I have been reflecting a lot on waiting.
Impatience is an epidemic. Just look around at our culture of fast food, thirty second commercials and quick editing MTV style television. Everything is designed to get us moving faster and concentrating less. We are horrible at waiting because we've been told our whole lives that waiting is a bad thing. Partly this is true, being idle can lead to all sorts of sins, but over-activity can lead to many sins itself. Its a balance, not leaning to one side or the other. Every commercial speaks about things that move faster, cook quicker, clean easier, etc. We want everything done five minutes ago.
No wonder patience is something so many people have to learn so often.
Patience is an idea as old as man.
I've been reading through the Bible with an intent to try and understand Biblical manhood.** The one thing that pops us over and over again is this idea of men having to wait. The more I reflect on it the more examples spring to mind:
Abraham waited an entire lifetime for a son, even after one had been promised to him by God Himself.
Moses waited forty years in the desert until he was directed by God to free his people.
The Israelites waiting another forty years in the desert after being freed from Egypt before they could enter the promised land.
Joseph waiting for years in prison, not even knowing what he was waiting for.
David waited fifteen years*** from the time he was prophesied to be king to the time he actually became king, and most of that time the king he would replace was trying to kill him.
Simeon (in Luke 2) waited his whole life for the promised Messiah who would save Israel, to the point where he began to lose hope.
Jesus waited thirty years before He would begin His ministry, spending those first thirty years doing whatever it is that carpenters did in northern Israel at that time.
The truth I had to come to terms with when considering all of this was that if these men can wait so long for such weighty, life altering things, I can wait for the things that I want. The Lord knows those who are His. And He know the desires of our hearts... He gave us the desires of our hearts! But those will be brought about in His time, not ours. And they will be brought about for His glory, not for our own personal satisfaction. We wait because we can trust that God's timing is better than our own.
So for now I'm gonna wait vigilantly for whatever it is that comes next.
*What? Too old of a reference? Well then how about Sesame Street? They had a word of the day celebration right? How about some audience participation. What was your favorite show that had a word of the day bit?
**I know it might sound silly, but I'm beginning to think this may be of more worth than all the self help books on being a man, etc. I'm going straight to the source!
***This is an approximation, I don't have any books in front of me to verify this information. Forgive me, its late. If you know the actual amount of time please tell me and I'll fix it.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Cowboy (poetic biography III)
i've got a smoking gun on my hip
and a smirk on my face
i've got a smoking gun on my hip
and a smirk on my face
i'm the envy of the masses
the conundrum of the press
present your accusations
and let me say my peace
i'll refute every word
and my heart won't skip a beat
my eyes are glistening
my hands are red
i've angered the proprietors
their house of cards has fallen
the world they built is dead
i've got a smoking gun on my hip
and a smirk on my face
the spooks and feds have got a wiff of blood
and now its time for the chase
lack of evidence is not justified by your best intentions
you've only got suspicion
i've got vindication
(note: written 4/18/05)
and a smirk on my face
i've got a smoking gun on my hip
and a smirk on my face
i'm the envy of the masses
the conundrum of the press
present your accusations
and let me say my peace
i'll refute every word
and my heart won't skip a beat
my eyes are glistening
my hands are red
i've angered the proprietors
their house of cards has fallen
the world they built is dead
i've got a smoking gun on my hip
and a smirk on my face
the spooks and feds have got a wiff of blood
and now its time for the chase
lack of evidence is not justified by your best intentions
you've only got suspicion
i've got vindication
(note: written 4/18/05)
Ten Little Martyrs
They play with fire
then complain about the heat
throw glass to the pavement
and tell the world how it cuts their feet
ten little martyrs stand in a row
overactive tear ducts from which tears flow
provides the nutrition to help self pity grow
scratching at old scabs so new blood will spill
breathing in sorrow and never get their fill
loquacious with spite, fire at will
forsaking joy for a license to kill
ten little martyrs stand in a row
making their beds with misery's thread they sow
and onward to that bed they must go.
(note: written 7/25/05)
then complain about the heat
throw glass to the pavement
and tell the world how it cuts their feet
ten little martyrs stand in a row
overactive tear ducts from which tears flow
provides the nutrition to help self pity grow
scratching at old scabs so new blood will spill
breathing in sorrow and never get their fill
loquacious with spite, fire at will
forsaking joy for a license to kill
ten little martyrs stand in a row
making their beds with misery's thread they sow
and onward to that bed they must go.
(note: written 7/25/05)
Poor Peter Pan (poetic biography II)
where did you go
where did you go
Shadow?
disappeared
disappeared
dear whisperer
the crescent moon
provides a light to tease
making me believe
there's something there
beyond
comfort within
never again
under the gloom
or a crescent moon
disappeared
disappeared
dear whisperer
where did you go
where did you go
shadow?
(note: written 3/7/05)
where did you go
Shadow?
disappeared
disappeared
dear whisperer
the crescent moon
provides a light to tease
making me believe
there's something there
beyond
comfort within
never again
under the gloom
or a crescent moon
disappeared
disappeared
dear whisperer
where did you go
where did you go
shadow?
(note: written 3/7/05)
Napoleon Bonaparte (poetic biography I)
this serpent
continues to follow me
through the brushes
the forests
the desert heat
"why do you follow me?"
"why do you let me?"
he calmly replies
why do i listen?
to the serpent in my ear?
"destroy! destroy!"
his forked tongue sings
"consume, overpower, everything is yours
everything for the taking"
he continues on
why do i listen?
its horrid!
i continue to listen
despite my knowing
this should not be true
"destroy, conquer, and consume"
and foolishly
pridefully
i believe
(i'm sorry).
(note:written 2/22/05)
continues to follow me
through the brushes
the forests
the desert heat
"why do you follow me?"
"why do you let me?"
he calmly replies
why do i listen?
to the serpent in my ear?
"destroy! destroy!"
his forked tongue sings
"consume, overpower, everything is yours
everything for the taking"
he continues on
why do i listen?
its horrid!
i continue to listen
despite my knowing
this should not be true
"destroy, conquer, and consume"
and foolishly
pridefully
i believe
(i'm sorry).
(note:written 2/22/05)
Monday, February 16, 2009
Revelation*
i dance in the grasses
i play in the fields
i run in the valleys
oh, this is all so beautiful
run, run, run
through the meadows
sleep in the grassy fields
the blades brush my feet
oh they tickle
this is perfect
"Oh God let it stay!"
the meadow
on the hill crest
there's a willow
a willow tree
so, so, so
lovely
hangs a single banana
yellow overpowered by every
beauty, touch, taste, smell, and passion
that this world can provide
oh, the wreckage
the carnage
the fire
inferno
oh, the flowers, grasses, meadows, hills
ashes, ashes its all ashes
"oh, God is there anything left?"
In the distance
a willow tree still stands as ash
but the single banana remains unharmed
oh wait, it opens
i hold my breath
inside
i see
oh!
Love!
*A poem I wrote years ago dedicated to my big sister, whom I love very much!
i play in the fields
i run in the valleys
oh, this is all so beautiful
run, run, run
through the meadows
sleep in the grassy fields
the blades brush my feet
oh they tickle
this is perfect
"Oh God let it stay!"
the meadow
on the hill crest
there's a willow
a willow tree
so, so, so
lovely
hangs a single banana
yellow overpowered by every
beauty, touch, taste, smell, and passion
that this world can provide
oh, the wreckage
the carnage
the fire
inferno
oh, the flowers, grasses, meadows, hills
ashes, ashes its all ashes
"oh, God is there anything left?"
In the distance
a willow tree still stands as ash
but the single banana remains unharmed
oh wait, it opens
i hold my breath
inside
i see
oh!
Love!
*A poem I wrote years ago dedicated to my big sister, whom I love very much!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Celebrities are People Too (so why not gossip about them like we do everyone else)
When I was a kid I wanted to be famous. I wanted people to know who I was. I wanted to be rich and successful.
I was stupid!
Age and experience has shown me that this whole notion of celebrity is completely disgusting and heart breaking.
Why do we revere people because they are good at pretending to be someone other than themselves, or because they are tall, or can run really fast, or they're attractive, or they sing well, or because they are on TV? Its not that we appreciate their talent, we idolize the person, hang on their ever word, and desire any sort of proximity we can get! We want them to be our friends, our lovers, demagogues*, or even demigods.
When I worked at a restaurant in downtown Chicago I had the most aloof managers in restaurant history. None was worse than my general manager; he would sit in the back counting money or playing solitaire until the rush would go away and the stress had passed. He was rarely around when we needed him, and never on the floor to oversee the nightly running of the restaurant. I never received any questions on how I was doing, and was never propositioned for help. That is... until one Sunday night when one of the stars from the Chicago Bulls came to sit in my section. Suddenly the man who couldn't care less about me, how my tables were, or how good at my job I was, would not get off my back!
He kept asking me how I was doing? Do I need any help? Is Soandso happy? Etc? Honestly I didn't know who the guy was. People had to tell me (all in hushed tones and whispers, just so Soandso Whatshisface wouldn't find out who he was apparently). My manager was there for this guy's every need, making sure food was out quickly, making sure I was smiling, seeing to it that his check was delivered in a timely fashion, and making sure I didn't have one second of peace the whole time Soandso Whatshisface McBasketballstar was eating dinner with his family.
I don't mean it to sound arrogant to say I couldn't have cared less. Maybe if he was on the Lakers I would have recognized him, but I wouldn't have cared any more. Being a good basketball play didn't make him more deserving of my attention than any other person I was waiting on that night. Honestly, the only affect knowing who he was had on me was it made his 15% tip seem pretty stingy ("come on dude... you can afford to throw me a twenty spot!")
As he left my manager stood with his back as straight as he could at the front door, extended his hand for a nice hand shaking, and said something about appreciated having him in our city or something. I told my manager his wife would probably be jealous if she saw him this flustered over another person, he gave me a sharp look, I laughed, and he went back to the office to play more solitaire. His night wasn't gonna get any better than that.
I was completely confused by the whole thing. What was there to gain in idolizing this guy? All the whispering, the special attention, the reverence, what did it accomplish? We were gonna get some of his vast wealth? Was it gonna make us part of his entourage? Was some of his celebrity gonna rub off on us and make us more awesome too?
There was nothing to gain accept further perpetuating of the myth that they (celebrities) are special and we (not celebrities) are not. That guy came away believing everything the media told him because we worshiped the stupid ground he walked on just like they told us to. Because he can run and put a basketball through a hoop better than you or I can. BECAUSE HE CAN PUT A BASKETBALL THROUGH A HOOP BETTER THAN YOU OR I CAN!!! Doesn't that just sound ridiculous?!
Who developed the polio vaccine?
Who has the most homeruns in a single season?
Who is the leading researcher in curing breast cancer?
Who is the best basketball player of all time?
Our priorities are screwed up. I don't know the answers to polio or cancer question either. I'm ashamed of that.
I'm not saying we shouldn't like basketball or respect those who play the game well. I'm not saying we shouldn't watch movies and respect actors. I more than most people love movies and know an embarrassing amount of information on different actors careers. But I don't worship them. And I don't care how they spend their weekends, or if they are pregnant, or divorced, or getting fat, or if they named their kid Apple!
Entertainment celebrities are even more interesting. We don't just love them for their work in film, TV, or music. We are fascinated by their social lives. Its like if we know more about their personal lives and character traits then they are our friends. But knowing this stuff doesn't help us appreciate their art any more.
Christian Bale just had this whole deal about flipping out on the director of photography on the set of Terminator Salvation. I never watched it because I don't want to support people watching it. Knowing anything about Bale does not help me understand the movie any better, and it doesn't help me to identify with his character's motivations and actions. It doesn't benefit anything accept give me something to talk about with my friends when that awkward silence lasts too long. I'm not defending his actions. I don't care. He could donate all of his money to PETA, he could kill puppies on weekends. It doesn't make the movie any better or worse. What I care about is if he is a good actor. He is, so I see his movies. His personal life is just that: personal.
I will say this much... Sure the guy had a bit of unlicensed anger, but who hasn't. Admit it in one moment of anger or hurt or frustration or whatever we have all done something we are not proud of. We just don't have six cameras on us, a boom mic over our heads capturing every word, and millions of people willing to give up time in their day to watch it happen. It doesn't excuse what he did, but it does show that he, like us, is human!
Celebrities don't owe you anything! And we shouldn't ask anything. Christians, this kind of behavior boarders dangerously on idolatry. If you don't like me being that severe (although I don't think I'm wrong) I'll soften it by saying that celebrity worship is at best completely irresponsible and a waste of time. What do we gain, and how will we answer for the time spent idolizing these people?
When I say its irresponsible I mean that caring what celebrities think is a foolish waste of time, especially when their only qualification is that they are a celebrity. Oprah is an example of this, she is the worlds most influential woman (and she's got her eye on the most influential person-shes looking at you Pope Benedict the XVI and the Dalai Lama!) and only has a college degree. Sure she has life experience and tragedy that has made her what she is, but that doesn't make her an expert on religion and able to lecture on her new belief system she is adapting and taking from popular eastern mystic authors. But people are eating it up despite its blatant contradictions and lack of historical credibility. She is a universalist concerned more with comfort than with truth. I'm not telling Christians to not watch her, but if she is to be watched it should be done critically, remember the Bible, not Oprah is the final authority on truth.
By worshiping celebrities we make idols of men and insult our Creator. Our time is better spent caring for and admiring those who we actually spend time with. Respect should be reserved primary for those who we see day in and day out and can observe their conduct so we can know whether or not they deserve or respect, admiration, and emulation. Celebrities don't deserve that. And God is the only one who should knock us to our knees, He is the only one who deserves our worship. Celebrities are just people, not objects for worship.
*a leader championing the cause of the common people in ancient times (from: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/demagogue)
I was stupid!
Age and experience has shown me that this whole notion of celebrity is completely disgusting and heart breaking.
Why do we revere people because they are good at pretending to be someone other than themselves, or because they are tall, or can run really fast, or they're attractive, or they sing well, or because they are on TV? Its not that we appreciate their talent, we idolize the person, hang on their ever word, and desire any sort of proximity we can get! We want them to be our friends, our lovers, demagogues*, or even demigods.
When I worked at a restaurant in downtown Chicago I had the most aloof managers in restaurant history. None was worse than my general manager; he would sit in the back counting money or playing solitaire until the rush would go away and the stress had passed. He was rarely around when we needed him, and never on the floor to oversee the nightly running of the restaurant. I never received any questions on how I was doing, and was never propositioned for help. That is... until one Sunday night when one of the stars from the Chicago Bulls came to sit in my section. Suddenly the man who couldn't care less about me, how my tables were, or how good at my job I was, would not get off my back!
He kept asking me how I was doing? Do I need any help? Is Soandso happy? Etc? Honestly I didn't know who the guy was. People had to tell me (all in hushed tones and whispers, just so Soandso Whatshisface wouldn't find out who he was apparently). My manager was there for this guy's every need, making sure food was out quickly, making sure I was smiling, seeing to it that his check was delivered in a timely fashion, and making sure I didn't have one second of peace the whole time Soandso Whatshisface McBasketballstar was eating dinner with his family.
I don't mean it to sound arrogant to say I couldn't have cared less. Maybe if he was on the Lakers I would have recognized him, but I wouldn't have cared any more. Being a good basketball play didn't make him more deserving of my attention than any other person I was waiting on that night. Honestly, the only affect knowing who he was had on me was it made his 15% tip seem pretty stingy ("come on dude... you can afford to throw me a twenty spot!")
As he left my manager stood with his back as straight as he could at the front door, extended his hand for a nice hand shaking, and said something about appreciated having him in our city or something. I told my manager his wife would probably be jealous if she saw him this flustered over another person, he gave me a sharp look, I laughed, and he went back to the office to play more solitaire. His night wasn't gonna get any better than that.
I was completely confused by the whole thing. What was there to gain in idolizing this guy? All the whispering, the special attention, the reverence, what did it accomplish? We were gonna get some of his vast wealth? Was it gonna make us part of his entourage? Was some of his celebrity gonna rub off on us and make us more awesome too?
There was nothing to gain accept further perpetuating of the myth that they (celebrities) are special and we (not celebrities) are not. That guy came away believing everything the media told him because we worshiped the stupid ground he walked on just like they told us to. Because he can run and put a basketball through a hoop better than you or I can. BECAUSE HE CAN PUT A BASKETBALL THROUGH A HOOP BETTER THAN YOU OR I CAN!!! Doesn't that just sound ridiculous?!
Who developed the polio vaccine?
Who has the most homeruns in a single season?
Who is the leading researcher in curing breast cancer?
Who is the best basketball player of all time?
Our priorities are screwed up. I don't know the answers to polio or cancer question either. I'm ashamed of that.
I'm not saying we shouldn't like basketball or respect those who play the game well. I'm not saying we shouldn't watch movies and respect actors. I more than most people love movies and know an embarrassing amount of information on different actors careers. But I don't worship them. And I don't care how they spend their weekends, or if they are pregnant, or divorced, or getting fat, or if they named their kid Apple!
Entertainment celebrities are even more interesting. We don't just love them for their work in film, TV, or music. We are fascinated by their social lives. Its like if we know more about their personal lives and character traits then they are our friends. But knowing this stuff doesn't help us appreciate their art any more.
Christian Bale just had this whole deal about flipping out on the director of photography on the set of Terminator Salvation. I never watched it because I don't want to support people watching it. Knowing anything about Bale does not help me understand the movie any better, and it doesn't help me to identify with his character's motivations and actions. It doesn't benefit anything accept give me something to talk about with my friends when that awkward silence lasts too long. I'm not defending his actions. I don't care. He could donate all of his money to PETA, he could kill puppies on weekends. It doesn't make the movie any better or worse. What I care about is if he is a good actor. He is, so I see his movies. His personal life is just that: personal.
I will say this much... Sure the guy had a bit of unlicensed anger, but who hasn't. Admit it in one moment of anger or hurt or frustration or whatever we have all done something we are not proud of. We just don't have six cameras on us, a boom mic over our heads capturing every word, and millions of people willing to give up time in their day to watch it happen. It doesn't excuse what he did, but it does show that he, like us, is human!
Celebrities don't owe you anything! And we shouldn't ask anything. Christians, this kind of behavior boarders dangerously on idolatry. If you don't like me being that severe (although I don't think I'm wrong) I'll soften it by saying that celebrity worship is at best completely irresponsible and a waste of time. What do we gain, and how will we answer for the time spent idolizing these people?
When I say its irresponsible I mean that caring what celebrities think is a foolish waste of time, especially when their only qualification is that they are a celebrity. Oprah is an example of this, she is the worlds most influential woman (and she's got her eye on the most influential person-shes looking at you Pope Benedict the XVI and the Dalai Lama!) and only has a college degree. Sure she has life experience and tragedy that has made her what she is, but that doesn't make her an expert on religion and able to lecture on her new belief system she is adapting and taking from popular eastern mystic authors. But people are eating it up despite its blatant contradictions and lack of historical credibility. She is a universalist concerned more with comfort than with truth. I'm not telling Christians to not watch her, but if she is to be watched it should be done critically, remember the Bible, not Oprah is the final authority on truth.
By worshiping celebrities we make idols of men and insult our Creator. Our time is better spent caring for and admiring those who we actually spend time with. Respect should be reserved primary for those who we see day in and day out and can observe their conduct so we can know whether or not they deserve or respect, admiration, and emulation. Celebrities don't deserve that. And God is the only one who should knock us to our knees, He is the only one who deserves our worship. Celebrities are just people, not objects for worship.
*a leader championing the cause of the common people in ancient times (from: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/demagogue)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)